Forgiveness and Serenity

"April 14, 2010

An Empowered Perspective
Importance of Forgiveness
In order to forgive, we need to try and stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused.

When someone has hurt us, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most difficult things we have to face in resolving the situation is the act of forgiveness. Sometimes it feels like it’s easier not to forgive and that the answer is to simply cut the person in question out of our lives. In some cases, ending the relationship may be the right thing to do, but even in that case, we will only be free if we have truly forgiven. If we harbor bitterness in our hearts against anyone, we only hurt ourselves because we are the ones harboring the bitterness. Choosing to forgive is choosing to alleviate ourselves of that burden, choosing to be free of the past, and choosing not to perceive ourselves as victims.


One of the reasons that forgiveness can be so challenging is that we feel we are condoning the actions of the person who caused our suffering, but this is a misunderstanding of what is required. In order to forgive, we simply need to get to a place where we are ready to stop identifying ourselves with the suffering that was caused us. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves, and our forgiveness of others is an extension of our readiness to let go of our own pain. Getting to this point begins with fully accepting what has happened. Through this acceptance, we allow ourselves to feel and process our emotions.


It can be helpful to articulate our feelings in writing over a period of days or even weeks. As we allow ourselves to say what we need to say and ask for what we need to heal, we will find that this changes each day. It may be confusing, but it is a sign of progress. At times we may feel as if we are slogging uphill through dense mud and thick trees, getting nowhere. If we keep going, however, we will reach a summit and see clearly that we are finally free of the past. From here, we recognize that suffering comes from suffering, and compassion for those who have hurt us naturally arises, enhancing our new perspective."


I think I'm almost ready to do this.  Forgive the ex, I mean.  In many ways I already have, but not all.  And I don't want to carry this shit around with me anymore.  I want to be relieved of burdens, and I will choose to no longer view myself as a victim.  I am getting very close to no longer identifying with what I have suffered.  As I heal my life and grow into someone new, I release my past.
I don't think I could have gotten to full acceptance of what happened to me those long years until I was able to fully acknowledge my health.  I denied it early on when the symptoms were mild and easier to ignore, and my own denial was reinforced by someone who had no respect for me or for my right to be healthy.  I was, in fact, threatened with abandonment if any 'major medical' came up.  So of course I let my fear control me, and no major medical came up. 

But now it has come up, and I am loved anyway.  Because I love me, that's why.  Just the way I am.

By journaling regularly and with weekly therapy for over a year, by loving my lovers, by trusting and experimenting, by intellectually researching and gaining knowledge, by taking steps to change and improve my life...I am healing.  One Day at a Time.

Goddess grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the Courage to change the things that I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.


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