The Homemade Tofurkey 2010!!! with pics

http://chefinyou.com/2009/11/tofu-turkey-recipe/

The original recipe is above, but I did do some of my own things along the way to make it my(our) own.

 The raw toasted GF bread with the pan of onion, celery, seasonings, etc.

apple, almond, goldenberries, veggie broth, and seasonings measured out.

The seasoned tofu after draining with the middle scooped out, ready for the stuffing to fill it.

Stuffing filled flipped tofu mound on the baking pan.

Lightly basted tofu breast :-) ready for the oven.

The mostly cooked tofurkey with stuffing surrounding the mound in the oven.  It started to smoosh and I added the stuffing to help maintain the integrity of the shape. We're calling the 'cracks' in the form 'stretch marks'  ;-)

Fascinating....

CFS & Fibromyalgia Rating Scale

		CFS & Fibromyalgia Rating Scale
100		Fully recovered. Normal activity level with no symptoms.
90		Normal activity level with mild symptoms at times.
80		Near normal activity level with some symptoms.
70		Able to work full time but with difficulty. Mostly mild symptoms.
60		Able to do about 6-7 hours of work a day. Mostly mild to moderate symptoms.
50		Able to do about 4-5 hours a day of work or similar activity at home. Daily rests required. Symptoms mostly moderate.
40		Able to leave house every day. Moderate symptoms on average. Able to do about 3-4 hours a day of work or activity like housework, shopping, using computer.
30		Able to leave house several times a week. Moderate to severe symptoms much of the time. Able to do about 2 hours a day of work at home or activity like housework, shopping, using computer.
20		Able to leave house once or twice a week. Moderate to severe symptoms. Able to concentrate for 1 hour or less per day.
10		Mostly bedridden. Severe symptoms.
0		Bedridden constantly. Unable to care for self.

Heart Rate Monitoring

As I often do when I'm so frickin busy that I don't seem to find the time to write my own blog entry, here's a relevant article.  I've been monitoring my heart rate during regular activities, and this practice has helped me to manage activities.  By simply PAYING ATTENTION I can do so much to help myself.  With my new med, the LDN, my limits are still changing for the better.  I seem to do alright with ADLs, but give me a flight of stairs and I have issues.


http://www.cfidsselfhelp.org/library/pacing-numbers-using-your-heart-rate-to-stay-inside-energy-envelope

Pacing by Numbers: Using Your Heart Rate To Stay Inside the Energy Envelope

• Print
 
• Email a Friend

By Bruce Campbell

If you have CFS, you are probably familiar with post-exertional malaise, the severe fatigue that results from doing too much. You can avoid or at least reduce malaise by staying within your limits or energy envelope. This article describes a strategy for staying within one part of the envelope: the anaerobic threshold.

The Anaerobic Threshold (AT)

The anaerobic threshold (AT) is the heart rate beyond which we draw on energy reserves we don't have and activity creates post-exertional malaise. The threshold is often around about 60% of a person's maximum heart rate, though each person is different and an individual's threshold may vary from day to day or within a day.

(Note: Maximum heart rate is 220 minus your age. For a person who is 50 years old, 60% of maximum heart rate is (220 - 50) x .6 = 102 beats per minute.)

There are at least three ways to calculate the anaerobic threshold. I found mine by observing my pulse in my wrist and noting what levels triggered fatigue. People in our program have used two other methods. Some have been given a stress test on a treadmill. These tests are offered in some doctors' offices and in many hospitals and other healthcare facilities.

Other people have used telephone consultations with the exercise physiologists at Workwell Foundation in California. In these cases, the consultant estimates the threshold using a log kept by a patient of their baseline heart rate and heart rate when active.

Benefits of Monitoring Heart Rate

Once you know your threshold, you can monitor yourself to discover when you are beyond your AT. One way to track your heart rate is to count the beats, as I did, but other people use a heart rate monitor, an inexpensive machine available for $30 and up.

Monitoring heart rate has at least five benefits.

First, it offers control. In the words of one person bedbound with CFS, "I craved a boundary, something I could see or touch that would tell me what was too much. My heart rate monitor is drawing my boundaries for me. When I can manage to get up and move around, but keep my heart rate below 105 beats per minute [her AT], then I know I am safe to continue to do so."

Second, wearing a monitor often leads to recognition of previously unknown limits. In the words of one person, "Just getting the heart rate monitor was a huge eye opener for me...Everything put me over the threshold" Another said, "It was quite shocking to find that I operated routinely above my AT."

Third, the alarm feature of a heart rate monitor tells you when you're about to go outside your limits and alerts you to the need to take a break. As one person says, "We set my monitor to alarm when I reached a bit below my anaerobic threshold. That audible heart rate alarm was the best training tool I could have had."

Fourth, awareness of limits can suggest how to change. One person found that just going up a flight of stairs pushed her heart rate beyond her threshold. Her solution was to stop halfway and rest. Another person says that lifting her daughter used to push her over the edge. Her solution was to sit down and have the child climb into her lap. A third person found that many activities put her over her limit. She has found ways to be active with less exertion. For example, she now uses a rolling chair in the kitchen, empties the dishwasher in stages, and uses a grabber to pick up things without having to bend over.

Fifth, the monitor helps educate others about limits and to elicit their help. As one person said, "Using the monitor helped my family to understand and they helped me to stop when it went off." 

Should You Monitor Your Heart Rate?

The people in our program who have benefited the most from monitoring their heart rate tend to be those below 30 on our Rating Scale. They often exceed their threshold doing everyday activities such as those described above. But other people with CFS may benefit as well. For example, finding my anaerobic threshold enabled me determine the level of exercise that I could tolerate without triggering malaise.

If you want to monitor your heart rate, we recommend you discuss the topic with your doctor. As preparation, you can do some informal data gathering. You can make note of your heart rate while resting and also check to see whether your heart rate increases dramatically when you do activities such as standing up, climbing stairs or just being active for a few minutes. If your heart rate when you are active is near or above 60% of your maximum heart rate, you may benefit from monitoring your heart rate and learning to keep it below your anaerobic threshold.

In summary of the benefits of awareness of heart rate, here are the thoughts of one person who has used a heart rate monitor.

"I've made a lot of progress in the past year, mostly thanks to heart rate monitoring, which trained me to reduce my activity to a level my body can handle. By forcing myself to stay within my limits, I have slowly achieved an increase in what I am able to do without going anaerobic."

"I can walk up a full flight of stairs AND walk down the hall AND brush my hair before I need to sit down for a bit. I've learned to be grateful for these small things. They add up to bigger things. I feel well most of the time now and although I can do very little, it's more than I could do six months ago."

Related Articles

Finding Your Energy Envelope
A two-part article describing how to define your limits in detail and ways to expand them.

Materials on this website are not a substitute for medical care. (SeeDisclaimer.) You may make non-commercial use of materials from this site, under the conditions described on our Copyright page.

Lucy, she's hooome!

I've got my girl back. :)  and I couldn't be more thrilled.  I've been riding everyday and I think my pretty Rav4 might be getting a bit jealous. ;) My heart was aching because I missed riding so much.  I always thought I'd love it, but I had no idea how much I could, and do.

"If I have to explain, you wouldn't understand."  -an old Grateful Dead bumper sticker

The weather is perfect and I'm taking advantage of it. I'd like to get some practice on hills, stopping and starting, etc.  in anticipation of my move to SF...cause I'm gonna need to be good at driving and maneuvering on hills.  I'm anticipating much riding once I'm in the City because parking will be so much easier.  I'll keep the car, somehow, since I'll need it for clinicals, travel, and for general use, but I think it will be two wheels most days.  I am so not upset about this.  :D

Limited Balance

Today I feel like a sick person.  bleh.  I've been reminded that I still need to take special care of myself, that   I still need naps, and that I can't push myself all day everyday.  I need to remember this.

One of the most successful "treatments" for ME/CFS, if you can really call it a treatment, is a concept called "pacing."  Essentially it means, pace yourself, plan ahead for activities, known when you need to slow down, etc.  Carefully managing activity levels really helps.

I think that last thing I posted was about increasing the dosage of the LDN to 3mg, up from 1.5, and it's been a really really awesome thing.  I felt like a not sick person, sortof.  I haven't had perceptible spleen swelling or pain in weeks, and I can get through most days without a nap, although I'm not much good after about 6pm.  If I nap around 2 or 3, I can be good til about 10ish.  I was so completely thrilled to be able to plan a day away from my bed in the afternoon that I did exactly that, everyday.  I needed to test my new limits, see how far I could go, what my body could handle.

It looks like I can go about 3-4 days without a nap before it starts to catch up with me, and if I pay attention one day in bed, or 2-3 with greatly reduced activities and increased rest will catch me up.  I came down with fluey symptoms, headache, swollen head feeling, mild sore throat, soreness, and, well my anterior cervical chain, parotid, jugulodigastric, sublingual glands are usually swollen on a daily basis and they got worse.  Still no spleen issues, and my head is more clear then it used to be when I felt crappy.  OI symptoms are increased, and I noticed (not for the first time) a disturbing arrhythmia last night.    I've often had weird tachycardia, and an occasional arrhythmia...but last night it felt like my heart was flopping around in my chest  It was curious and unsettling.  I immediately began to measure my heart rate on my carotid like I usually would so I felt the disrhythmia in my hands, and for a brief moment I actually felt the artery 'bottom out'   It flattened because there was no pressure behind it for a moment.

Scary.

Really makes me wish I had some health insurance, you know?  A Holter monitor maybe? yeah.

All my symptoms are greatly reduced when I take better care of myself.  And luckily the LDN has helped me to feel much better, go a little bit longer with fewer symptoms.  But the last few days have really helped me to see that I'm still a sick person.

grumble, grumble.  I don't like being a sick person.

but at least if I slow down and give myself the rest I need, I don't have to *feel* like a sick person.  The key will be allowing a positive self-care part of me to remember that I *am* still a sick person and I need to take good care of me.  And then the rest of me can rejoice in not feeling sick all the time.  Cause that's super cool. :)  I had to learn new limits as I got sicker and sicker over the past year, and now that I'm seeing improvement, limits are changing again.  At least the change is allowing me more activity and a happier existence.  One Day at a Time.

Ok, back to resting for me.

Cheers.

Honey Bee Cutting

This is the best photo I've been able to get of the new cutting.  I just did it for the third time.  As you can see, it's tiny, maybe only an inch long.  And for doing it myself in the mirror, not too bad at all. ;) You can see the faint scars from my butterfly underneath it.

I'm excited by this process. Each time is a reaffirmation of my Self, my Path, my goals, growth, and a mark of a transition time as well as a transformative experience.  All wrapped into one.

And I get to practice with a scalpel...poor me. ;)

Yes!!! LDN is changing my life!

I was driving home from the compounding pharmacy this afternoon after picking up my prescription and I was noticing and appreciating how different the experience was from about 1 month ago before I started LDN.  It was about the same time of day, I was weepy and wiped out, I was so tired that I elected to skip the highway and return home on surface streets...something I do if I don't feel like my reflexes are quick enough to do it safely.

And today I hopped on the highway, turned up the tunes and rocked out, sang along happily to the music, played the steering wheel drums...yeah, you get the picture...and I cried in gratitude.  I feel good.  I really do.

I am still getting really fatigued, and my body needs lots of rest.  Need my naps, watching my heart rate.  still feel some degree of muscle soreness and weakness, so I know I'm still sick.  I haven't beaten the virus, and I'm not cured...but I'm better.  So much better.

I've now been on the 3mg dose for 4 nights and I can see much improvement even from the 1.5mg dose. I'm thinking about going back to belly dance class...I think I wrote about it already, but I'm considering it seriously.  I still won't be able to jump on a treadmill or do lots of exercise...but I can walk to class without have to stop and rest. :) I can study for a couple hours after work, and I can do 5 hours of massage again (although I'm not good for much after that)

I still need to get out of massage and move on, it's still wiping me out, that hasn't changed.  But now I have the confidence that i can keep going, that i can get through school, that I can have the life that I want...mostly.  I don't imagine I'll be backpacking up a mountain, nor becoming a  professional dancer or athlete, and I'm ok with that.  If I can get through my average day, if I can feel happy and confident of my ability to get through tomorrow.  That's enough.

I have enough.  :D

Bee Totems and Lessons of Sacrifice

A little over a week ago while attending the Butchmanns Experience, a spiritual retreat teaching self-actualization within and utilizing Master/slave identifications and relationships, I was stung by a bee.
The honey bee is one of my totem animals and is tattooed on my left ankle near some flowers and a lovely but simple butterfly.  In my belief system, a personal and explicit action taken by one of my totem animals to communicate with me is a powerful message.  The fact that this bee sacrificed itself to deliver that message is a gift for which I will have eternal gratitude.  A life was given for my benefit.  Thank you, little bee.

I've come to understand that a big part of this message is wrapped up in another area of growth for me.  In August, while on retreat, I discovered that my damsel had become a princess...and that she wanted to be witnessed.  Soon after however, I realized that the path of the princess is to grow into a Queen.  I felt resistance around this but I've kept it close.  Now with the bees message of royalty, among others, this path is becoming clearer to me.  It's an evolution, and I don't expect it to happen now, or even soon.  It will happen so gradually that I may one day only fully grasp this transformation from the other side of it.

In the meantime I have researched some different meanings and traditional interpretations of bee totem messages, and I've selected a few more personally meaningful ones to share here.

In the secular world, the bee was a royal symbol and the queen bee was long regarded as a King.  Also a sign of creativity, wealth and eloquence.  The Egyptians used it as a symbol of regal power

The bee symbolizes the original source of all life and inspiration.  Looked upon as a symbol of the potency of nature, because while creating a magical elixir, known for its preservation properties, they were also pollinating flowers, increasing plant fertility, and abundance.  Because of these symbolic meanings, the bee has been used as an emblem by those who wish to associate themselves with the inspiration of the Gods.

Honey bee reminds us to gather the sweetness of life, Honoring your Nvwati/Good Medicine (divine spark), establishing firm boundaries, connecting with your natural self, Goddess and Earth energies, speaking in your true voice, working with spirits of nature, and social networking.

The Royal Bee Totem possesses the following virtues: Messages from higher planes and consciousness, prophetic dreams and visions, industry, wealth, industriousness, diligence, cooperation, productive hard work, sexual attraction, the power of giving back when taking, the ability to turn something unassuming into a wonderful creation, ability to enjoy and savor the sweetness of life, connection with the Earth and living things, divine messages, productiveness, focus, sensitivity, and realizing the fruit of ones labor.

The stinger is also significant, a bee's stinger represents sacrifice. The stinger is used as a defensive weapon, yet can result in death. When a bee totem appears you may need to ask yourself what needs to be sacrificed or let go of. If you allow yourself to let go of things that no longer serve you, the sweetness that may be in short supply will flow toward you more freely.

A lot of my work during and after that retreat weekend has revolved around my connection to Goddess and Universe, understanding what she is asking of me and acting with obedience to the best of my ability.   As I replaced the crystal I have been wearing for two and a half years as a symbol of my Service to Her (it was chipped during the retreat, itself telling me that it was time to allow it to move out of my life) I recalled that by design the crystal had covered up a scar from an old collaring ceremony of a relationship that was....erm...unsatisfactory and unhealthy for me.  I believed at one time that I needed to wait for someone else to recut over that scar...and I finally realized that *I* was that someone.  As a part of my process of the princess growing into a Queen, my recognition of the bee's message for me, the movement of the crystal out of my world, and the letting go of the connections represented by the old scar...I cut a small bee (which fit nicely) over the scar.  It looks pretty damn good for doing it myself in the mirror with a #11 straight blade. ;) Wishing I had a few #15 curved.  ;) 

I'll be recutting it again soon, as I want it to be quite permanent.  This time was for me and my process.  The next time I'll get a picture of it to share.  

LDN Tx

This is a space-filling model that represents the chemical that has changed my life, naltrexone.  Who'da thunk?  ;) I emailed my doc with a brief version of the improvements I listed in my last blog entry and I got the ok to start doubling the dose as of tonight.  I'm excited and hopeful that there might be more improvements on the horizon. :D  There is a small chance that it may make me worse, but from my research that seems to happen more when and increase to 4.5mg occurs, not with the 3mg dose, which is considered ideal by many, including my doc.  If I got 15-20% improvement with this, can I even hope for another 20%?  That would be so amazing!!! I'm almost at the point where I may go back to bellydance class, I've missed it so much!  I'd still have to be very careful to manage my activity level and to stay within my heart rate limits...so no cardio level of exercise, but I may be able to attend and participate in much of the class.

I simply cannot yet express in words the improvement and positive outlook  I have on life.  I was pretty good before, even when I felt like crap I was happy with it, but this is so different.  I was feeling old for my age...I'm 36 and was at the approximate activity level of a 50-55 year old...and feeling like I had to move so slowly that life was passing me by.  Not anymore.  I feel a part of things again.  Such a weird symptom, but sadly a common one for people with ME/CFS.  I didn't understand it until I was feeling it myself.  It seems that I can handle life now.  Before I knew I could, but now I don't even question it. It is. And it is good.

yea baby.

:D

more in a few days.

Low Dose Naltrexone update

I've been on the 1.5mg dose for a little over two weeks, and I feel pretty darn great.  I estimate a 15-20% overall improvement...I have no words for the gratitude in my heart.  I was devastated this year as I perceived the losses in my life now and the possible losses of function in the future.  I was afraid to challenge myself wondering if it would only make things worse.   Yes, I've learned a lot recently about how to pace myself, to listen to very early warning signs from my body and mind, and to estimate what my recovery time might be.  Most of all, I've learned to honor my limits, and that, instead of viewing everything as a loss, I see this limitations as self-care...and I see each lesson as an exercise in my self-worth and Divine value.  I am perfect.

Some specific benefits I've been experiencing are:

I'm completely off the daily use of any drug to help me sleep. (yes, I've already worked with every alternative option, treatment, and behavior modification out there) On one occasion I took a diphenhydramine to help me sleep through the night.

I feel better first thing in the morning.  This is simply wonderful, and has overall giving me a brighter outlook each day.

Most nausea has passed.  It still happens, but not daily anymore.  Totally awesome.

I'm also off of daily use of NSAIDS.  I've been on them constantly since last December when this last flare-up began.  Because of this I know my own body's anti-inflammatory agents aren't really functioning too well, and I feel it.  I'm having more muscle and joint aches, weird stuff that I can't always connect to specific activities.  I'm achy and it ok.  If I have a tough day at work I can get through it with a single dose of advil or other drug here and there.  It keeps the chronic tendonitis in check that I've accumulated after 8+ years of professional bodywork.

And probably the most awesomest effect of all is that my mind works!!!  I'm faster in class, I'm getting stuff, making connections and following the teacher, understanding the first time instead of silently attempting to plan when I'm going to be able to teach myself the information later. And I've found that when I am exhausted, even when my body is wiped out, my cognitive functions seem to stay longer.  I can still think, and speak, and articulate my thoughts and feelings in sentences and be understood.  I still feel more energetically confident instead of needing my comfy bed comfort zone comfort-ness.

Yes, I still have ME.  Yes, it's still a daily, hourly constant awareness of my condition and ability to cope and to be active that I will likely have for, well...for as long as I need it, I guess.  I'm still sick.  I still need naps and rest.  I'm still conscious of each move that I make and the need to conserve what I have.

I feel better.  and that's enough.

I'll soon be increasing my dose to 3mg which is where my Dr wants me to be for a regular therapeutic dose.  I'll contact her early next week and I'll let y'all know how I'm doing then.  For now, I am enjoying having a brighter outlook on life.  I don't feel left behind.  I feel a part of the world around me.  I feel like I can get through this challenging nursing program.

Yes.

Butchmanns Experience Affirmations

Being an enabler or a co-dependant is not equal in any way to being a slave.

I have felt the most positive and accelerated growth over the past few years with my tribe and as I become more and more self-sufficient.

I receive direct messages about my life, my path, and my purpose from Universe.  I do not need an intercessor. 

I welcome angels, messages, and information from many varied sources and each source is different and valuable.

I value mirroring provided to me by others because it offers me a view that is not colored by my own ego.

I have the Faith and the Confidence to be obedient to Goddess and Universe.

I enjoy being in service to humans occasionally and by my choice.

I must take care of my needs first, and then care for others with my Abundance.

I value the unique and varied connections with others that are Divinely present.

If I have agreed to serve in some way, and my needs become known and urgent, I can feel resentful of the commitment.  It is better to speak those needs, to recognize them and value them first, then determine the best course of action.

I feel powerful when I am independent, confident, and my needs are met.

I am most comfortable with a varied continuum of relationships, sexualities, genders, and authority exchanges. 

All archetypes have equal value and will have equal opportunity for presentation and expression. 

All thoughts, words, and actions are serving my greatest good as well as the greatest good of All. 

Ho, Mitakuye Oyasin

I AM already perfect in this and in each moment.  Who I am is constantly changing. 

In being Authentic I sometimes risk the perceived loss of a sense of inclusion, acceptance, or approval.  Authenticity is worth the risk every time.

Only I can choose to serve, no one makes the decision for me.  If Universe brings me a Master, I may choose to serve.  If Universe offers me a slave, I may also choose to serve.  If Universe beings me a partner, or many partners, I will still choose to serve.  I am obedient to Divine Will. 

Not my will but Thy will be done.  Let my will and Thy will be one.

Protocol was enabling my social anxiety.  I feel stronger when I am able to act with my own authority in each different social situation.

Control of actions, behaviors, and play partners was helping me to feel loved, however this too enabled me to continue with the illusion of unworthiness.  I am worthy of love and do not require the attentions of others as a way to feel valuable.  Attention feels good, but most important is my self-love and self-respect.