9/11 and my Mom

Nine years.

And every year since I am bombarded with 9/11 memorial stuff, posts, actions, speeches...all which are perfectly normal and valid considering what happened nine years ago today.  Nine years ago today was the last time I talked to my Mom on the phone.

But my experience was different.  I only had 17 of 'normal' post 9/11 processing and adjustment to do before I got word of my Mom's death a couple weeks after the tragedy.  And in my mind, in my world, losing my mom was a greater tragedy.  I'm not saying that the deaths in 9/11 aren't terrible and tragic, but only that the loss of those lives didn't touch me so much personally...and especially didn't touch me at all once my Mom died.  Then that's all that I knew, and I stopped paying attention to the rest of the world, to the victims families, I didn't pay much attention to the police, firepeople, or other first responders and volunteers, even though I knew that somewhere else there was tragedy going on. But I was already full of grief, and had no more room in my breaking heart for all of them.

Every year for these two and a half week I'm a bit of a wreck, because as soon as all the 9/11 memorials come out, hit the news, etc...all I can think about is my Mom's death.

But this years been a little bit different.  The controversy of the Muslim community center, misunderstood by the ignorant, and defended by Americans who actually hold the ideals of freedon of religion...this mess has drawn much of the energy away from the memorializing that usually occurs.  So I've been able to focus on different emotions this time around, and not just grief and loss.  'Cause once 9/11 is past, I've still got two weeks to mourn, to remember, to grieve, for my Mom...until the anniversary of her death.  And after that passes I seem to be ok again for another year. 

And Dad decided to go right around Memorial Day...so while that's kindof convenient too, there's a lot of Memorial Day Hullaballo that goes on too which also brings up more memories than I think would come up if the day he died was lets say, a tuesday or like june 2, or some other non-descript day. 

I'm looking forward to having my new computer, yes, but also because I am getting an all in one printer free (after rebate) with the purchase of the puter.  I'd really like to get the pictures I have of Mom and Dad digitalized so I can share and actually use them on the net.

ok, guess that's all for now.