Gratitude, Peace, and Letting Go

Such a grand title for what will probably be a common everydayish sort of post.  But isn't that what it's all about? Finding gratitude for what IS, peace in the moment, and to be able to let go of attachment every day.  I live for now.

Finals are done and I got my first B.  It was only one credit so it wasn't weighted very heavily.  I came out with a 3.958 GPA.  I feel like some of the pressure is off now that I don't have to be perfect.  :) I'm doing school so I can get a better job, make more money, do something I love, to be of service to others...but also because I love love love to learn.  I dig school now, I like squeezing all this information into my head-even if it hurts sometimes-and I want to know this.  And knowing, that's my primary goal.  That's what motivates me.

I also terminated with my therapist last Thursday.  She was an intern and has since graduated.  As I didn't seem to need focused or in depth trauma related work, she and I both agreed that I was best moving on to more general therapy where I can address varied issues like anxiety, past trauma, chronic illness, etc.  It was a good ending.  I am so grateful for her place in my life and what I learned from the work we did together. ...and it's time to move on.

I appealed the decision for AHCCCS medical care based on my current income.  I got a phone call from them but haven't managed to get them on the phone in person yet.  We'll see.  I applied for the discount medical program too as a back-up.  No word yet, but I don't see how I won't qualify for that plan. I have a call into a therapy place that supposedly give 8-12 weeks of "free" therapy.  I am hoping to get in there until another option presents itself with medical coverage.

I haven't been on the bike for a few days and I miss it.  I've been tired and with H in town I was happily otherwise occupied. Soonish. We drove up to Tortilla Flat on Saturday so I was able to check out the route.  It has been a while since I've been up there and it wasn't as steep or curvy as I remember it.  I think I can do it on the bike.  I only need to pick a day when I'm well rested and there's low traffic, like a weekday morning. 

Last week there was a big new moon in Taurus.  My horoscope says that it's  strong time for new beginnings, and that whatever I decide to put my energy into for the two weeks following the new moon, I will have positive outcome for the next 12 months. So I'm putting into action a plan to take care of myself.  Really, it's nothing different that I've been intending to do over summer break, but now I'll do it with more intention.  I will rest when I need to rest, I will feed myself good food with reasonable nutritional value and caloric intake.  I will move my body as I am able.  I will pray.  I will nap.  I will love. I will look to the future with wonder and joy in possibilities.  I will visualize my intentions for the future as if they have already occurred.  I will see myself as healthy and vibrant.  

I am feeling so pleased and grateful for the time I had with H this past weekend.  I admit to some anticipated uneasiness, not anything around him specifically, but around having someone in my space.  Over the past few years that I've been healing and in recovery, I've been pretty protective about my personal space and environment.  I've shared space with lovers at their home, or at an event or the like, but not in years have I had someone share my bed for 3 consecutive days.  And it was quite comfortable for the entire experience.  H is a kind, attentive, and sensitive person who was aware of me and my needs...and he does it quite intuitively. At no time did I feel like I was imposed upon, uncomfortable, inconvenienced, or anything like that.  He was a fine house guest.  We had easy heart-centered conversations about some difficult stuff. 

Tomorrow I start a yoga class with a couple of friends.  I'm looking forward to it. it will be a slow start to get the body moving again.  I think a stretching and gentle movement regimen would be best...but not cardio or weights. Not until I know more about what's going on with me. I've been so restricted to resting these past months and I've been frustrated by it.  If I had more energy to spend I'd easily be up and active, but instead waking time that is not booked outside of the house is spent in bed.  Not so great for the physical body, and not so great at all for the weight.  But I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to be doing for myself.  Exertion and exercise make me worse.  Yesterday making my way downstairs for lunch was a good chore...but after 3 extra hours of sleep and a couple more hours of rest I was able to make it out to a dentist appt in the early evening.  Then it was home and back in bed. Today has been much better and I made it through a day of work.

This has been a rambling and casual catch-up of the last couple of weeks.  Very mundane as far as blog entries go. But as I said in the beginning, I all about the IS and the NOW.  I let go of the past, I let go of what does not serve me here and how, I offer gratitude for what I have had, for what I now have, for what I will have, and I feel at peace.  I am blessed.  Thank you, Goddess.  I am loved.