I want different things now...

I chatted briefly with a friend on FB who experienced his own first suspension a few weeks ago.  It was a horizontal prone, and it was also the first chance that I was able to act as piercer and ka-see-ka for a suspension with one of my mentors at my side.  And while we didn't have much time to chat, and promised more sharing at a later time, the one thing he did say was that he was surprised how much it changed him, that he'd heard about suspensions doing that, but he was still surprised.  And that he wanted different things now.

Yes.

Although my recent suspension was vertical, all 3 have been, it was very powerful for me.  Especially because it was quiet and relatively uneventful.  It was calm and peaceful.  I learned that a gentle experience can be more transformative than a loud and messy one.  This was the first time I was able to completely relax.  Every muscle let go...and really, unless you've been here, I simply don't know if there's anything comparable to it.  I don't know how to describe it.  Acceptance and surrender.  Love and the support of the Tribe.  Flying on the wings of community.

I cna identify with what my friend says.  I want different things now. 

I want to explore and express ALL my archetypes, and especially not box myself into one or a few identifications like "slave" or "healer"

I want a constellation.  One or more of that constellation may end up sharing space or co-habitating with me or being called "partner" but each person is valuable and loved for themselves.  I am not 'looking for a partner' and especially not seeking a Master...I am complete right now.

I want "home" to signify me and my loving community and Tribe. In the past 'home' has been associated with a lover or partner, and not with me or a physical place.

I want to live, physically reside, in a City and an environment that feeds me spiritually and feels comfortable.  For me, this means water, and Tribe, and lovers, and independence, and self-sufficiency.

I want my own personal power.  I haven't always valued my personal power like I do now, and I'm still growing, still learning and realizing how powerful I AM. 

I want to be professionally successful.  I deserve it.  That means the right school, the right job, the right livelihood.  Yes.

I want to be free to act on my intuition, to do what feels right in the moment.  I want to speak and to act with a high degree of authenticity. 

I want to face difficult or uncomfortable situations with courage, and not avoid them, or procrastinate out of fear.

I want lots of love and sex and play...with the right people.  I want quality, I want connection, I want consciousness of the energy and power of sex and love and blood and intense sensation. 

I want health, and I will take care of myself until I have it.  Self love is the key.

I want to increase my skills in piercing and as a ka-see-ka, and especially I want to build skills and experience in suspension. 

and I want to always want, to always create and to manifest beauty, love, and safety. 

Blessed Be

Update: here is a link to my friend Justin's blog describing his suspension experience.  Thanks Justin!!
http://londonfaerie.co.uk/2010/08/finding-words/