The wonderful and horrible prednisone

This first photo was taken during my IMsL step-down on May 3rd, 2008. I was on high dose prednisone at the time and it really shows in my face. I was having a rough time but doing my best. SO bloated. 

This was taken the next day, May 4th, 2008. I don't think this photo even looks like me because of the moon-face. Also pictured is my brother, Kris. 

This was taken January 2010 when I was already over a month into the worst flare up I've ever had but hadn't yet started prednisone that time around. 

This photo was taken on Thanksgiving 2009 in Phoenix, AZ. It was after my first semester back to college as an adult and after nearly four months of regular diet and 3x weekly work outs. 


Sometimes I like to fantasize about what I'd look like or what my life would be like if I wasn't sick. I don't really do it out of sadness or longing for what I don't have, that isn't particularly productive. But I do like to remind myself that at one time I was able to exercise 3x a week, bellydance 1-2x a week, handle full-time classes, part-time work, a diet, AND achieve a 4.0 GPA.  When I'm feeling fat and bloated, like I am today from the current dose of prednisone, I need to remember that *I* am NOT my illness.  *I* am NOT my body. *I* have the desire, the drive to do better, to be better, to learn and to grow, and to improve upon myself....even if this physical body isn't quite keeping up. Sometimes I know people look at my weight and judge me. And I say, F*ck Off. I'd like to see you do half as well as I have with my health challenges.
I can only do my best.