Rain, rain come again, go away some other day...

Blessed Full Moon and grateful rainfall. 

I feel more refreshed in Spirit than I have in days.  I think I've finally realized that I've been a little depressed.  (smacks forehead, doh!) yea, right?  duh.  I'm sick, I feel like crap a lot, and I'm learning that I can't do what I used to do, and I'm worried that I won't be able to do things I want to do in the future. That's a scary place to be.  Add that all to dealing with a disappointing diagnosis...and for some of you who may read this and not know this...the same diagnosis my mom had...and she died at 56.  So yeah, this is a lot to process.  It's ok if it's taking me some time.  It's ok if I feel scared and worried right now.  It won't last.  ;)  It never does.

I am in Goddess' hands.  I am dedicated to Her service, and if part of that service is healing myself, then that's what I will do.  I find such comfort and peace in Her arms.

As one who has learned the way of the flesh, I understand that physical pain and challenges, (emotional too) are some of the ways to connect with Spirit.  I know that through ordeal, I grow.  I am stronger for having survived.  I am not a one-lifer, I believe that my Spirit has inhabited many physical forms over many lifetimes.  This belief system has continually brought me comfort and it is again.  I am coming to view this lifetime, in part at least, as an ordeal life.  A lifetime that provides me continual and consistant opportunities for Connection.  I also hold the belief that I chose this path before my Spirit was born into this particular body suit, and so there is no blame towards someone else, no sense of punishment from a diety...only a sincere desire for love, for life, for experiences, for growth, for reconnection to Source and All that is.

Sometimes when I ride...and when engaging in other types of "peak experiences" I have found myself chanting "no matter what, I have had/felt this." It releases attachment to any outcome and offers gratitude for the present. 

No matter the broken heart for I will have loved
No matter the end of this lifetime, for I will have *lived*
No matter the physical pain, I will have felt pleasure and sensation
No matter the sadness, I have felt great joy.
No matter the grief or loss, because I have already felt the comfort of presence and having

Nothing really matters, anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters....to me.

Any way the wind blows.......